You just met a really, really nice guy – and it’s about time, right? Unlike the last guy, this one probably won’t steal money from your wallet or use your t-shirt as a napkin. Still, there’s something a little… strange about this new guy. For one, he seems to mention his ex-girlfriend a lot. You know, that one who joined the Peace Corps and broke up with him to spare his feelings. It suddenly dawns on you that he might just be lonely. Are you his backup, in case she never comes back? It sure seems like it!
1. You’ve never met his family
You’ve heard loose stories about them, but it seems like your significant other keeps you pretty separated from this other part of his life. Sure, some couples don’t meet the family for awhile – and in the case of a few bad romantic comedies, they don’t meet until the day after a proposal, for some creepy reason. But if you feel like you’re being shafted, there’s probably a great reason — he doesn’t want his parents to meet and fall in love with someone he’ll probably never fall in love with himself.
2. You’re not Facebook official
He doesn’t seem to like relationship terms at all. Whenever you ask if he’s your boyfriend, he tends to respond with something like “Why rush things?” Guys who are completely into you will make it pretty clear right off the bat. They want to make sure you’re off the market and properly labeled as their girlfriend. The fact that he doesn’t want everyone on his feed to see any type of relationship change should be a huge red flag. You might just be friends with benefits in his eyes.
3. He cancels on you all the time
Everyone is guilty of cancelling plans every once in a while, but making a habit of it can really start to hurt some feelings. Similarly, if you ask him to a movie and he “has to think about it” or gets back to you hours later, you’re definitely his backup. Chances are, he has a few other texts going out to other ladies to see if there’s something a little bit sexier than a screening of Paddington happening that night.
4. He makes you leave sex
Take off your blinders and ditch this guy before he has the chance to make you feel even worse about yourself. People are their natural selves in the morning – they’re gross, they’re disheveled, and they’re decaffeinated. When you love someone, or even severely like someone, this peak into their lives is adorable. But if he wants to hit it and quit it, you’re obviously just there to pass the time. If he can’t even get breakfast with you, he’s not interested in anything long term.
5. He doesn’t call you during the holidays
Obviously you’re spending them apart, since – well, you just met the guy a month or so ago. However, if he makes no acknowledgment of your presence whatsoever during these times, he’ probably not feeling it. In this day and age, communication is ridiculously easy. If he can’t take two seconds to text you with “How’s your holiday going?” while he’s in the bathroom, that means he’s probably too busy getting the scoop on what his high school sweetheart is up to during her college break.
6. You’re there for more bad times than good
He uses you as a sounding board every time something goes wrong. When he didn’t get that promotion at work, he went right to you for emotional support. When his neighbor left that passive aggressive note on his windshield, you supplied the hugs and made him a really nice comfortable dinner. But when you want to go out to celebrate that new apartment you found, it’s like pulling teeth to get him to respond. He might also ask you for the guest list while considering whether or not to show his presence.