You simply didn’t see it coming. “I think we should start seeing other people.” Knife, meet heart. Heart, meet dumpster.
Breakups are the WORST. I mean they hurt everywhere — from our fingernails to our ankles. And we had ZERO clue that we needed to be protecting ourselves this entire time! Ugh. At least if we had been prepared we wouldn’t have a permanent stomachache and feel this uncontrollable need to cry in the shower every five minutes. But instead, and we’re left trying to figure out how in the world we are ever going to feel normal again, let alone sleep through the night.
Yeah, they totally suck. And the only way to ease the sting is to try and move forward. We know that feels impossible, but the good news is, we’ve got a few tips that can help. Although each situation is different, there are a few crucial points that can help you deal with this nauseating process.
1. Cry
A lot. Because if you don’t do it now — you’ll just do it later. And by then, it’ll seem a little odd that you’re not over it. So go ahead girl — let it out now. Cry in your room, cry in your car, cry to a friend, cry to a therapist, cry to your mom. Cry until your tear ducts have to work overtime just to supply enough tears to keep you going. Get it ALL out. You have to seriously shed all of this pent up sadness out of your body — or else it will hang around you for weeks to come.
There is absolutely no shame in crying — remember that you weren’t prepared for this kind of heartache. You left your heart completely exposed to rejection, and it hurts. Like hell. So honor the gnarly feeling that it is, get back in that shower, and cry, cry, cry.
2. Take some space
As hard as it may be, it’s what you need to do. Do not answer that text from him that starts with “Just wanting to check in…” No coffee dates to scream at each other over the loose ends. And under no circumstances will you engage in the whole “exchanging of the things” to tug on your already shredded heartstrings. If he really needs his high school football jersey back then just drop it off at his front door. It’s not like anybody is going to steal it — it’s gross.
Talking also encourages that glimmering shred of hope that you two are getting back together. And that hope is essentially a bungee cord attached to your heart — the second you think you’re free of the agony, it snaps you right back in again.
For right now, it’s best to do your healing on your own. You are resilient, and you do not need your ex to push you through this. Sure, after you’ve recovered and healed, being friends with an ex can actually workout sometimes. But until then, take the space to get comfortable in your new life without them.
3. Spend time alone
You can rebound later. For right now, let’s focus on dating yourself.
Don’t worry, you’re not feeling sorry for yourself if you stay in on a Friday night and binge watch Parks and Rec. (Might I suggest the “Galentines Day” episode?). Instead, you’re simply getting comfortable with being alone. You really haven’t had that chance in quite some time. It’s fun to reconnect with yourself! You can be the most selfish brat in the world and no one is there to pitch a fit! You can watch your quirky indie comedies, eat frozen yogurt by the gallon, and experiment with creepy skin masks at your leisure. It’s quite lovely.
But more than just getting to have it your way — you are overcoming the pervasive fear of being alone. Because if you are scared of being alone, how will you ever know if your next relationship is fueled by love or fear?
Let’s make sure we know the answer to that one.
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